It’s all too true that when it comes to sex, sometimes it’s difficult for women not to have feelings come into play. Unfortunately, or fortunately if you happen to enjoy being the complex being you’re meant to be, sex and feelings for women are intertwined because it’s just the way we are wired.
However, there are ways to enjoy a good romp in the sack without feelings coming into play, even with an ex. Yes ladies, I am indeed saying that ex sex can work out!
About a year before I met my now husband, I was admittedly horny and just wanted to feel the touch (and a little bit more) of my ex-boyfriend again. I took a bit to give our ex sex rendezvous an imaginary run through in my mind dozens of times, wanting to make certain that if I was going to do it, I would do it right. Not “do it” do it right, I knew the sex would without a doubt be really good, but I wanted to ensure that I didn’t get ensnared in the sticky part of getting emotionally attached afterwards.
With my mind set, I decided to give ex sex a try one more time. But this time I had a plan and I have no doubt some of these tips can help you enjoy ex sex too.
My Ex Sex Story
Don’t get me wrong, I was excited as hell but twice as nervous. After all, the last damn thing I wanted at that point was for all of those old feelings to come flooding back in, trying to overtake me once again.
Every other time we’d had sex after our split, we met at his place (where we had once lived together) and it almost always turned into me spending the night, complete with cuddling and falling asleep in his embrace. I really think that was the biggest error that always ended up roping me back in to give the relationship yet another try.
However, this time we met at my place and the old feelings of guilt didn’t come creeping in. Surprisingly enough, the “flutter-bees” (as I like to call them), those mushy feelings of love that make you crazy, didn’t make my heart get all pitter-patter before, during, or after our tryst.
Afterwards when we lay side-by-side in my bed trying to catch our breaths, the flashbacks of our relationship began almost as if on cue, but thankfully they weren’t just all the good times. As soon as I felt something good, I balanced it out with a quick reminder of why things didn’t work out in the first, second, or third place.
I also made sure that I kept reminding myself that we were simply having (amazing) sex and absolutely nothing more.
I got mine, he got his, and then he went home.
After being able to repeat my little experiment with the same results at least a half dozen times over the next year, I got the distinct feeling that perhaps I’d found the correct combination of keys to successfully enjoy ex sex without repercussions.
So ladies, if you’re single, a little horny, and have an ex that knows how to rock and/or float your boat, you may want to remember these 7 secrets to ex sex.
1. Change of Scenery
If you lived together or always had sex at his place, change things up and meet at your place or a motel. Putting yourself back into the environment that you were so emotionally available and invested in can result in feelings creeping in that you want nothing to do with. Plus, you may be surprised by how hot ex sex in a completely new place can be.
2. Ex Sex Is Just That
It’s just sex with an ex and nothing more. Don’t try to read more into the situation.
Remind yourself that you were horny, he was horny, and you got together as two consenting adults and had hot, passionate sex. It meant nothing.
Your sweaty, lusty fun time reunion does NOT mean that you’re going to jump right back into a relationship together, especially not picking up where you “left off.”
It’s! Just! Sex!
3. Practice Safe Sex
Remember, just because you were together for two years and you’re on birth control doesn’t mean that you can jump back in the sack without protection. You don’t know where he’s “been” lately and the last thing you need at this point is for your contraceptive to fail. Make him wear a condom.
Furthermore, in this age of COVID, you may want to consider not going with the standard face-to-face missionary position. Do things with you on top, you’re a Wild One after all and this its you in charge of “getting yours,” going on your sides for front-to-back, or of course good old reliable doggy-style.
4. Balance Your Feelings
If at ANY time you do start to feel even an inkling of affection trying to weasel its way back in during your ex sex escapade, quickly balance the scales by immediately thinking about the reasons why you broke up to begin with.
While it’s true that sometimes this train of thought can lead to anger, take advantage of it. Anger is love’s twin sister feeling and angry sex can be passionate and powerful.
5. Stay in the Moment
Quit fucking thinking and just fuck! That’s why you set this up in the first place, why let your mind wander with thoughts of could’ve, would’ve, shoulda. Stay in the moment, enjoy sex with someone you’re more than comfortable with, and of course refer back to #1.
6. No Cuddling!
Yes, I know that it feels good to lay there and cuddle, indulging in a bit of pillow talk. But as much as you may want to after ex sex, don’t! Trust me, it’s shit like this that leads to emotionally bonding with him. If you’re taking a breather between sessions, keep things simple and focused on the sex. Don’t lay there in his arms, your head on his chest, enjoying the feel of his naked body against yours.
Once you’re completely done for the evening, if you feel that you absolutely must talk, then talk about work, your favorite show, sports, or the weather. If the conversation starts to wander and words like “us” or “we” work their way into the conversation, kick him out immediately or get dressed and head home.
No matter what, do NOT spend the night together. It’s not a sleep over. You can stay there for hours and hours of great sex but it’s a booty call and nothing more. Send him home or clean yourself up and head out when you’re done.
And of course, most importantly…
7. No Texting or Calling Afterwards
It should stand to reason that you shouldn’t do this but since all too many of you tend to text and call him for weeks after ex sex, I have to tell you that you’re just being crazy. And no one likes crazy. While you might want to hook up again sometime soon for another bout of crazy-good sex, but getting all clingy and constantly reaching out ruins the chance of hooking up again because it proves that you can’t handle ex sex and if you can’t refrain from this behavior, you should probably avoid ex sex at all costs going forward.
Remember, this was about meaningless sex and nothing more. If you feel like you have to say something to him right after he leaves or the following day, a simple text of “thanks for the booty call” will suffice. It wasn’t a love connection or a rekindling of the old flame. It was just sex!
Furthermore, if you find that you’re suddenly feeling what I call the “feelings backlash,” which are feelings of shame, remorse, guilt, or even worse, those residual feelings of love, let them sit for a few seconds and then make yourself move on.
Those feelings getting stirred up might be because of the connection you shared, but then again maybe it was just the sensual and comforting warmth of lying in bed next to a naked man for the first time in awhile.
This is an indicator, at least in my totally laymen’s experience and view, is that these feelings are actually a sign that you really need to dig down deep inside to try and determine what’s missing in your life that lead to you wanting ex sex in the first place.
For me, I definitely didn’t want my ex back. I was just horny and wanted to feel that special closeness with a man that my vibrator just couldn’t give me and ex sex provided me with that fix I needed. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with making sure your sexual needs are met, just as long as you don’t ignore your emotional ones.
If you go forward with ex sex, don’t look for meaning in the time you spend together and whatever you do, don’t over think or misinterpret something he says, or even something he doesn’t say. It’s a waste of your time and energy, not to mention it’s prone to ruining the whole damn evening together. Stay in the here and now and don’t rob yourself of the joys and pleasures in life.
Just remember, the decision to have ex sex is yours and at the end of the day, you’re the only person you need to answer to. With all the bullshit in the world today, a fun night of ex sex may be just what the doctor ordered. Now that I’ve shared my secrets, you hold the power, sister. Be a Wild One and Enjoy!
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