Romantic comedies can play a huge role in shaping our perception of what our relationship should resemble. You know you’ve done it: made a mental list of what you think will make the perfect relationship. Unfortunately, a lot of you start freaking out the moment that one of those items get dropped off the list and things don’t go as expected.
Oh my God, we went to bed angry. Our marriage is on the rocks!!
Today, we’ll debunk some of more common relationship myths.
1. Cuddling Required
Um, no, it’s not.
One of the biggest ingredients for a successful relationship is getting a good night’s rest regularly. If that means you have to get a larger bed or one of you sleeps in the recliner once or twice a week because the other snores up a storm, so be it. You do NOT have to spoon every single night!
At the start of a new relationship, it’s perfectly natural to miss a few nights of sleep. I’ll sleep when I’m dead! I can’t get enough of him!
However, once the relationship has ripened enough, it’s more like, I’m gonna die if I don’t get some freakin sleep! Stop snoring before I smother you with the pillow!
Ever slept next to someone with the body temperature of a small nuclear reactor? While that may be great in the cold winters of New York, during Summer in Texas is a different story and no one is going to blame you for grabbing a spot on the couch.
There’s not anyone sneaking into your house every night and judging your relationship based on your sleeping arrangement. Cuddling every night isn’t required and you definitely don’t have to explain your reasoning to anyone about it either.
2. PDA is ALWAYS Required
Your relationship is NOT defined by how much hand holding or other public displays of affection you participate in. While there are plenty of couples that continue enjoying it for their entire relationship, others eventually face the reality of the end of the honeymoon phase.
However, just because the honeymoon phase is over, it doesn’t mean that your relationship is. Your relationship can survive without constant PDA!
You don’t always have to hold hands everywhere you go. You don’t always have to have a RomCom-like make out session on the street and, contrary to popular opinion and outdated traditions, you don’t always have to sit next to each other at social gatherings.
PDA has no bearing on the health, or lack thereof, of your relationship.
3. You HAVE to Hang Out
When you live together, you absolutely do not have to hang out all the time. Sure, in the beginning you both spent every evening snuggled up on the couch and discussing your day, but living together doesn’t mean you have to force yourselves to spend time together.
In fact, you should actually take time apart when living together. Let’s be honest, we all have crappy days and sometimes the last thing you want is to feel obligated to watch a another episode of whatever show he has been binge watching lately while he smacks you over and over with questions about your day.
When you live together, it’s supposed to be the merging of your lives, meaning that both lives remain intact. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to spend the evening reading a good book or soaking in a bubble bath for an hour and going to bed early – DO IT. And don’t let yourself feel guilty about it, either.
Those nights that you want to stay in, cuddle, and watch another episode of Dexter, it’ll be that much more enjoyable.
4. You Can’t Be Comfortable and Still Be Mysterious
The longer you’re together, the more they’re going to see all those little things you worked so hard to hide when you first started dating. It’s just a fact of life for all relationships.
You’re inevitably going to have a night of too much drinking or your stomach objecting to that late night burrito – it happens. The comfort vs. mystery conundrum comes into play when you start having fart contests every Saturday night. But guess what? There IS an in-between!
There’s nothing wrong with retaining some mystery in the relationship by sneaking off to another room to cut loose with that SBD (silent but deadly) or wall shaking toot, as opposed to trying to rip farts like your grandpa.
5. Your Social Life HAS to Intertwine Now
Well, this one has a yes and no answer. Your relationship should absolutely have a comfortable spot within your circle of friends, but otherwise your social life and relationship should be two separate facts-of-life.
Having downtime and space apart is crucial, not to mention vital to your sanity. And once again, you should never feel guilty about it either. Your relationship can still be super strong while still affording you the guilt-free freedom to be an active participant with your social network. A significant other isn’t a sick kitten that you have to take with you everywhere because leaving it at home might be disastrous
Go enjoy a night with the girls! I assure you, you’ll both survive and be the happier for it in the long run.
6. Great Sex is Over Without Toys
Some couples out there have this idea that the excitement eventually dies out and can only be rekindled by breaking out the sex toys. Sure, sex needs the occasional dash of spice, but that doesn’t mean it has to become a battery-powered love fest every time.
You know that we’re no strangers to toys and we’re fans of all sorts of fetishes, but the idea that great sex is over without them is just plain silly. If you feel like things need improving in the bedroom, try communicating and explore new techniques – you don’t need that deploy the Rabbit every time.
7. Don’t Go to Bed Angry
This old wives’ tale has made numerous couples think that they have to finish an argument before they go to sleep, when actually they could both use a little time to breathe. Feeling obligated to keep talking when there’s nothing constructive to be said can seriously be just as damaging as staying quiet and refusing to talk about disagreements. Taking a timeout can give you a chance to gather yourself before you say something you’ll both regret.
Okay, every relationship is different. There are those couples that enjoy fart contests while others simply have to finish arguments before going to sleep. The important thing is to do what is right for your relationship, rather than blindly following a misguided mental list or a slew of busted myths.
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