Before you read the following, please don’t misunderstand me. I’m in a relationship and I’m completely in love with my husband. Which actually happens to be why I know that it is indeed possible for females to stay independent while in a relationship.
When you have someone special in your life, it’s crucial that you maintain a healthy independence level. When it’s all said and done, you should be able to love your partner while still doing your own thing and pretty much living as you always have.
There is a negative stigma that says goal-oriented and independent women are too focused on their own lives to be able to let anyone into their hearts. As humans, we’re generally programmed to desire interaction with others and falling in love is something that happens to the best of us. Even the most driven woman among us loves cuddling!
With that in mind, here are a few steps to ensure that you’re able to maintain independence while maintaining a healthy (not needy) relationship.
Stay Independent While in a Relationship
Have Your Own Life
Even though we’d love to be with our special someone 24/7/365, it’s extremely important that we have our own lives. Of course it’s perfectly natural to want to do things together, but when it’s getting in the way of you doing your own thing, that’s a huge red flag. You wouldn’t want to be seen as “RomeoAndJuliet”; two people that seem to constantly share a body and a title. Being Juliet without her Romeo every so often is cool, too!
You have to allow room for individuality and personal space in your relationship. Find your own hobby sans your boo, like yoga, photography, or blogging for WildOne Forever. You can also treat yourself; get a pedicure, go to the spa, or have a fun night out with the girls (believe me, he wants you to do these things without him!).
While it is important to be friends with your lover’s friends, you should have your own friends too. It’s perfectly acceptable to have separate experiences! Plus, when you have a little time away from each other, once you’re back together you’ll be able to share the fun details about all the things you did while apart.
Learn the Difference Between “Complement” & “Completion”
You know that famous quote from Jerry Maguire: “You complete me?”
That is complete BULLSHIT.
Your “other half” should complement you… NOT complete you. Once you make that distinction and build off it, you’ll be happier and a much more secure person.
Think about it: if he completes you, does that mean that everything else in life leaves you empty? Is there nothing else for you to strive for? You should be secure enough in yourself that you can feel completely whole as a person whether on your own or with that special someone.
We’re like pieces of a wonderful puzzle. Once we find a piece that fits, it’s a magical experience. However, that’s just two pieces. There are several others that need to fit together in order to complete the true picture, whether that is family, friends, hobbies, or other aspects of your life.
You should always be your first priority, meaning your well-being should always be first and foremost and you shouldn’t ever settle or depend on someone else to be your only source of happiness. You deserve better than that!
However, you should depend on your partner for love, inspiration, support, laughs, and a push to make you the best person you can be.
Have Good Self-Esteem
I’m one of those women that was born an individual. I’ve had confidence in myself, my abilities, and even my flaws since a very young age.
If you are confident in yourself and have good self-esteem, it’s probably easier to thrive in both a relationship as well as going solo. You don’t need constant reassurance about the things you already know about yourself.
For instance, if you know you look great in yellow, you don’t need someone else to tell you that. Sure, compliments make us feel all warm inside but if you’re too codependent on someone else and you need validation from them, it’s simply not healthy.
What happens if the relationship turns south? Where does that validation go? There’s a huge difference between the sweet and romantic, “I can’t live without you,” type of connection, and the unhealthy “I’m nothing without you” philosophy.
It’s okay to crave a sense of security and want validation from the love of your life, but you definitely don’t have to have. YOU should be the first person you should crave that from. Work on building healthier self-esteem and in turn, you’ll become more confident in how wonderful you actually are and less dependent on compliments.
Meaning, you can indeed stay independent while in a relationship.
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