A while back I saw someone on Facebook ask: “When it comes to life in general, is romance important? Beneficial? Necessary? Why or why not?” There were a variety of replies that pretty much spanned the entire spectrum.
I sat there, eyebrow raised, and stared at my phone. I was confused and couldn’t respond. Why? Well, I’m a hopeless romantic. My husband and I go on Date Nights just because. In fact, we make a point of having one at least twice a month and watch movies like 50 First Dates and When Harry Met Sally, or we go out to eat and take a drive in the country.
So, I pushed the romantic side of myself aside and summoned my muse to help me consider the question from a different angle. To even begin to answer whether romance is important for your happiness, first you have to know the difference between romance, attraction, and sex.
Sex ≠ Romance
Sex is the action we take that (generally) leads to physical pleasure. For some people, sex is all they ever care about. Once they’re attracted to someone, all they can think about is their personal lust and the high that comes with physical pleasure. And, why not? Sometimes, that’s what the doctor ordered! Hey, I’m the first to admit I appreciate a good time between the sheets!
However, romance goes beyond the pleasures of physical intimacy. According to the Free-Merriam Dictionary, romance is defined as “a love story, courtship, or the mystery and adventure associated with a developing love.” But, that doesn’t mean that romance has to end when the “honeymoon” phase of the relationship is over. If you’re like me and enjoy continuing the romance throughout your relationship, you make a concerted choice to keep it going.
For me, romance is the quality of the time together and the environment: an ordinary dinner turns into a fantastic Date Night with candle-light, a bottle of wine, and nice music; a plain, boring bedroom turns into a romantic hideaway or the perfect love-nest. All it takes is dimming the lights, spritzing some aromatic essences around the room, turning on some sensual music, and placing chocolates and a few rose petals on the bed and maybe a bottle of wine on the nightstand. To those of you ooh-ing and ahh-ing at this, you obviously have a romantic side that probably needs attention.
Is Romance Important?
There’s something inherently wrong with this question actually. What is necessary in our lives? For something to actually be necessary, it has to play a significant part in our survival. Eating, drinking, and sleeping are necessary. As social beings, even bonding, connection, and attachment, are necessary on some levels. So then ultimately, romance is only necessary if it’s a value to YOU in the relationship.
What are YOU Looking for?
What are you looking for? A casual relationship? A one-night stand? A long-term relationship? Friends-with-benefits? A life-partner? Multiple-partnered relationships? A romantic relationship? Do you get excited at the idea of romance? Or, is that just not your style?
These days, the types of relationship styles, structures, and needs are endless. And, if you are more career-oriented, you may not care for a long-term relationship or a romantic partner. Maybe you just want companionship and awesome sex via a booty-call once in a while. Maybe you’re a regular visitor to the popular hook-up sites and apps. Maybe all you need to get through the week is a one night stand on the weekends.
However, if you’re a woman that yearns for a man to sweep you off your feet, take you out and attend to your every need, desire, and fantasy, well, then obviously romance is a bigger need for you. If this is you, please don’t “settle” because you don’t think you can find it. You happen to manage the rest of your life, why not find a way to prioritize and manage your love life too?
So, IS Romance Necessary for Happiness?
Well, I guess that depends on who you ask. For some, they can do without romance while others definitely need it. Either way, it’s important to determine your relationship values and to recognize what you want out of your partnership. Ultimately, you should learn to listen to your intuition and inner wisdom and above all else, learn how to unconditionally honor and regard yourself.
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