Life has changed since the 1950s when a single woman over the age of 20 was considered an “old maid” so there is not longer a reason to seek desperately to add a man to your life. Unfortunately, the old maid has been replaced with the “crazy cat lady” the woman with a dozen cats. Women are “allowed” to have careers and we definitely don’t need a significant other to be fulfilled, but the stigma still exists.
The truth is that all those things are bullshit. You don’t need a man or a woman to make you happy and there is nothing wrong with you if you don’t have those things. Before I tell you how wonderful it is to be single, consider the reasons. Are you too picky? Also, consider this question: When it comes to happiness, is romance important?
Now let’s talk about the reasons that make being single an awesome experience.
Nobody to Answer To
The only person who has a say over what you do and where you go is, you guess it, you! I’m not suggesting that if you’re in a relationship, you are obligated to do everything your significant other says you should. But, there are certain obligations in every relationship. Whether or not you are married, you can’t simply jump on a plane and take a vacation with friends or on your own.
If you are single and you don’t have children, the only thing controlling what you can or can’t do is whether or not you have to money to do it.
While this doesn’t give you license to get blackout drunk every night and screw everyone who catches your eye, you certainly have more freedom single than you do in a relationship.
Consider the one-way relationships you’ve had and consider whether what you gave up for the relationship was worth the possibilities you passed up to have it.
Sex and Intimacy can Happen With or Without a Relationship
A lot of the desperation women feel about being single is that we want sex and intimacy and we’ve been taught that the only way to get it is to have a relationship. Right or wrong, we’re still taught that men can screw anything that moves and that makes them a stud while women who are free and open with sex are sluts or bitches. I call foul on that!
I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that you don’t need to be in a committed relationship to experience intimacy or sex. Given that appropriate cautions (protection against have been taken, there is nothing stopping you from having sex with someone to whom you are attracted and the fact that you are single makes it guilt-free as well.
You don’t need to feel as though you are “easy” if you want to have sex, and as I said, if you are single there is no need to obsess over keeping it a secret from a significant other. You don’t need to tell anyone what happened. Heck, I don’t talk about the cruise where I met three different men during the course of a week. I had no partner to be jealous and I did what I damned pleased.
More Time for Fun
When you are single, you have more time for the girls’ night out, the road trips, and vacations with the girls. You don’t have to feel guilty about taking time away from a relationship, and you don’t have to worry about meeting that hot guy or gal when you’re already taken. This is guilt-free time! Enjoy it while you’ve got it.
Our existing friendships are almost always the first thing to go when you find that “perfect love” and, face it, our friendships are important too. Appreciate your friends when you can be available to spend time with them.
Maybe the best thing about girl’s trips and nights out is the same as that thing they say about Vegas. You know, “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas?” We all do wild things sometimes, and knowing your friends have your back and won’t blabber about it is important too.
No More Settling
We’ve said it before here on Wild One Forever: Stop Settling! When you’re in the honeymoon phase of your relationship, everything seems perfect. Love is in the air and this is forever, you tell yourself.
By the time you realize that this isn’t the relationship, it becomes increasingly difficult to call it quits and move on. I can’t just leave, you tell yourself. It’s not fair to him to walk out.
Yeah, he goes out without you ever night and you’re afraid of hurting him! I hate to tell you this, but what you are doing is settling. Don’t do that! The right relationship adds to your life, it doesn’t diminish it. Stop telling yourself I’ve invested so many years into this relationship, I can’t just end it now.
You think you would know when it’s time to end a bad relationship but, beyond the obvious signs of physical or emotional abuse, many of us find ourselves hanging on to a relationship because we’re afraid to let it go and be alone. There comes a time when you have to admit to yourself that you aren’t going to change them and the opposite? Not something you want.
Times may not always be good but if the relationship is the right one, tough times make it stronger. Look back over your experiences and I think you’ll recognize the times you settled for a relationship because the alternative was too scary to contemplate.
Be Ready for Anything to Happen
Change your expectations. Enjoy being single and stop looking desperately for a relationship. Who knows? You might just find one. Sometimes it’s when you’re not looking that the perfect person steps into your life.
In the meantime:
- You don’t have to have a significant other to be happy.
- This is an opportunity to work on yourself. Chances are you need the time and focus to do the work.
- Love comes when you least expect it. If you find it, great! If not, you be you and make the most of your life.
Being in a relationship is great, but it’s not the only state that can make you happy. When you’re desperately seeking love, you have a tendency to hop from relationship to relationship. Fear of solitude is not a good reason to enter into a relationship.
Nothing guarantees that being in a relationship means not being alone. You can be as lonely with the wrong significant other as you can when you’re single; and lots less happy to boot.
The bottom line, the takeaway for this article is that you need to stop worrying about the condition of your love life and enjoy your life, alone or in a relationship.
Read my bio. Yes, I’m happily single and don’t mind saying so. I’ve had relationships and I’ve been alone and, so far, alone is better. I know that may change sometime but for now, single is where I’m happy.
Image Credit: Unsplash