Us ladies get a bad wrap for being clingy. We’re supposed to be the ones who are picky and choosy when it comes to finding a lover. So why in the hell are we so quick to attach? It’s time to open up the door to the closet and let the skeletons fall out. We can take a look at why women cling.
Yesterday is Key
Your childhood and teen years or relationships play a role in the person you are today. Taking a look into your past and, more importantly, actually exorcizing your demons is crucial to understanding who you are today and why. you nmake certain choices.
When you’re a kid, you’re not only constantly bombarded with images of happily-ever-after, but you are also heavily affected by the relationships of adults around you. If your parents separated when you were young, it will have an effect on your relationships. If you were sexually abused, it will also have an affect on you. You can have a severe fear of abandonment or of being alone. Things happen so fast when you’re young that you may not have the time, and more importantly, the mental capacity to dissect them to their core leaving a lot of unanswered questions when you grow up.
Your teen years are the time you build the foundation for the lessons you’re supposed to keep learning throughout your life. I’m not going to promote teen sex, experimenting with drugs, and living their lives as big Fuck You’s to their parents. But, having said that, isn’t that kind of what being a teenager is all about? Without those experiences, we’d could be a confused group of adults.
Falling in love and getting your heart broken, cheating, and making mistakes are all important and crucial experiences. Young hearts are still fragile and have absolutely no idea what they’re doing. If your high school sweetheart cheated on you, for example, you may have never gotten over the fear of infidelity. This is why it’s so important to not only experience but also dissect your first encounters with love and compassion. Ideally, you’d grow up to accept those teen years for what they were, teen years. Unfortunately, for most of us, high school can hide in our unconscious.
A no-brainer, right? Take the previous teen years section, add a few more years of life experience, mix in some booze and poor choices and top it off with a bruised self-esteem. When you get older, you’re no better than you were as a teen; you’re no less impressionable and no less obsessed with the happily-ever-after images you were bombarded with as a kid.
And like a teenager, if you don’t analyze your relationships when they end, you’ll have no lessons to absorb and therefore will end up repeating the same mistakes over and over again. The more you fall for the wrong guy or girl, the more likely you are to believe that’s the only type within reach. If that wrong type is one who cheats, acts distant, and abandons you, you’re likely to believe that’s what all partners will do.
Think hard about your past. These are just a few reasons why women dig their claws into their lovers. Are you scared of being abandoned? Are you worried that if you don’t hold on tightly to your relationship it’ll just slip through your fingers, without warning? If your partner has never given you a reason to doubt his/her fidelity and love and attraction for you, you might want to ask yourself why you’ve got these pre-established fears.
What You Can Do About It
In addition to taking the time to dissect your past and wrestle with your demons, there are things you can do today to work on the damage yesterday caused. We can all agree that waking up with a new found confidence about love doesn’t happen over night. It’s one day at a time.
- Fly Solo: Devote time to getting to know yourself. The pretty, the ugly, the shameful and the funny. Take a moral inventory and take a long drive. Sing at the top of your lungs. You need to learn to value your own company.
- Invest in You: Invest in your education, your hobbies and self-improvement. Go shopping and treat yourself to things you know you deserve. Knowing your self worth will remind you that you’re worth sticking around for.
- Consider Therapy: If your issues genuinely interfere with your life to an unmanageable degree, it might be worth looking into seeing a therapist. It’s what they do for a living and believe me, they’re making good money. Wanna know why? We’ve all got issues we need help dealing with, so don’t be ashamed to ask for help.
- Be Honest With Yourself and Your Lovers: You’d be surprised to know that a lot of people are actually open to helping you out if you’re vocal about your issues. If a guy sees you go cling-machine-nuts out of the blue, he’ll freak and run. If, on the other hand, you’re open about your past and ask for open communication, you’ll find the relationship sail a lot more smoothly than the rest.
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