Let’s Talk: Sex, Toys, and Fetish
Having a healthy sex life requires open communication. There is a certain amount of vulnerability that comes with speaking one’s mind, especially when it comes to expressing our desires in the bedroom. Too often, couples struggle with telling their partner what they want, where their boundaries are, and what they are curious about, especially when it comes to sex, toys, or fetish.
Why is talking about sex or sexual pleasure so taboo?
Can we talk without shame or embarrassment? Granted, when I was younger, I rarely talked to anyone about vibrators, masturbation, or my secret desires. There were too many “what ifs” surrounding those topics and how it would be received. Would I be thought a freak or some kind of deviant? What if I wanted to introduce sex toys into the bedroom only to be rejected? Do I risk being humiliated? When’s a good time to talk to my partner about what I need in order to achieve climax?
Unfortunately, these questions and fears often close the door on intimate communication and adult play, opting to remain silent for fear of being humiliated or questioned? So, let’s open the doors of communication.
What Turns You On?
As a fiction writer, I love writing sex scenes because it taps into my imagination, acknowledges the secret desires, and sometimes borrows from my personal experiences. I know what I like and what I’m willing to try. My husband, on the other hand, is a more “vanilla” and gets a little nervous when I ask him if he wants to do research.
All joking aside, he’ll take direction when we’re in the heat of the moment, but if I have to be specific, I fall out of the mood. Did vanilla sex become a habit when we were trying to be quiet because the kids were asleep? If so, how do we get back to the wild and loud sex again?
And let’s face it, none of us are getting any younger so it should be obvious that our body is changing, and with that, our needs. So, let’s introduce a toy and a gateway for talking to each other about sex and our fetishes.
Gvibe Gjay
Choosing the right sex toy for solo or partnered play should have some considerations. When shopping for a vibrator, consider its size, shape, material that it’s made with, whether it is waterproof or not, does it smell, and what is required to care for and maintain your sex toys.
The Gvibe Gjay is made from revolutionary BIOSKIN™ material that is smooth to the touch, firm, and has enough give to make this toy feel as realistic as possible. Unlike silicone, jelly, or PVC, the BIOSKIN™ immediately warms to your body.
I’ve bought other toys where the smell was so overpowering and awful that it went directly into the trash. I don’t know a single person who likes their intimate toys smelling like old landfill tires. Being scent sensitive, I am thankful that the Gjay does not have any foul odors. It can be cleaned with mild soap and warm water or toy cleaner after each use and this vibrator comes with a modest bag to store it between uses.
The ergonomic design has a subtle curve that helps to easily stimulate the G-spot and A-spot, plus it has six vibration modes with changeable intensity. The initial charging time is two hours but it can operate for up to four hours on a single charge. You never have to worry about batteries because the Gjay comes with a USB-to-magnetic charging cord.
Solo or partnered sex play is fun with the Gjay because, at just under 1.5″ wide, this is a very nice vibrator for someone new to adult toys. The girth is not so obscene to question my husband’s manhood and the hot pink color is attractive and fun.
For comfort, consider using a water-based lubricant, or take it into the bath or jacuzzi for some water play. No worries! The Gjay is 100% waterproof. The powerful motor has 6 different vibration modes with the ability to adjust its intensity from a mild buzzing tremor to intense vibration. It also has a quiet motor compared to many other vibrators on the market. The 3-button control is accessible and easy to use for solo play, or if your partner wishes to switch gears a little. It also has a travel lock option so your Gjay doesn’t start humming when you’re on the road.
Another consideration when purchasing a sex toy is how discreet they are. My Gvibe came in a modest brown box and plain mailing label. Inside was the Gjay cylinder package adorned with a lovely sketch by erotic artist, Elena Mirosedina. You’ll see her art on the packages of the other toys at Gvibe, and also on the t-shirts. If you’ve been watching my livestreams for the past week, I’ve had it on display the entire time. Only one friend had the nerve to message me and ask, “Is that a… vibrator?”
Why, yes. It’s a Gvibe Gjay. Isn’t it pretty?
BDSM Survey
The BDSM Survey may surprise many people because it broaches the topic of kinks and fetish, but this is really an educational tool and a way to open up the lines of communication between sex partners and establish limits and boundaries.
Quite frankly, I think it’s a brilliant book that helps people understand what’s out there, what to look for, and how to stay safe with consensual play. I call it a workbook because it allows people to work through the pages and define things that they want to do, willing to try, or give a hard no.
The survey goes through things like sexual checklist, bondage, furniture and “dungeon” items, tools for pain, sensory and breath play, to role play and types of scenes.
The point of all of this is to open the lines of communication for adult play, or really taking inventory of what you like, want to try, or state a hard NO.
Rob Andersin, the creator of The BDSM Survey, shares a little bit about his first experience where exhilaration turned into hell. It affected his ability to trust people. At some point he realized that submissives empower the dominants because playmates should negotiate, have safe words, establish hard and soft limits. Those are the safety nets needed to relax and enjoy the moment.
Time to Start the Conversation
I’ve known my partner for over 30 years. We are comfortable with each other but the excitement and newness is gone. Introducing a fun toy like the Gvibe Gjay and handing my husband The BDSM Survey will give him something to think about. He doesn’t understand subtlety. I basically have to bonk him over the head with what I want.
Sure, it might be awkward at first, but if we get the conversation going, it is a win for both of us.
For another article on sex toys, visit Three Sex Toys Every Woman Should Own by Brenda Holman.